I mean, there we were, seeing the NFLers leaving Chile for Lisbon, Portugal and by the Minute 24 of the show, we still hadn't arrive in Lisbon yet. I'll do my best to get it all straight, who got on what flight and when but it's Canadian Thanksgiving up here and my stomach is full of turkey and the fixings. All that tryptophan is making me sleepy. Okay, that's mostly a myth but that sure was a lot of back and forth in the airports.
Here goes, first the NFLers get a flight from a travel agent that gets them into Lisbon at 7 am. And they are told the flight is full. So they believe they'll arrive hours ahead of everyone. The Aghanimals leave next but head to the airport and get a flight through London arriving at 11 am. They believe they are ahead of everyone and make plans to tell the Ice Girls the plan. The Beardos and the ER Docs leave next and they head to the travel agent. Surprisingly the ER Docs get a 7 am flight, even though the NFLers were told their flight was full. However, the agent screwed up, putting in the wrong date. So the boys aren't on the flight. They get on the same flight with the Beardos, arriving at 10 am.
Meanwhile, Jason and Amy, the nice dating couple are leaving the pitstop in their cab, talking about the bad luck they have with cabs, buses, etc., and then BOOM! They're in a car accident. Normally this would be a good time to break for commercial but the accident is minor and the Daters move on. All the drama is at the airport. So the NFLers get a call saying that the agent was sad she screwed up and wanted to make it up to them. They can get in at 7 am but they need to make two connections. A risky move cause TAR hasn't been kind to teams who have risky connections. Many a team have been left behind because of this. But the boys are competitors and take a chance.
Now, many teams have arrived at the airport, getting flights. The Ice Girls get flight info from the Afghanimals and are also going to arrive at 11 am. They attempt to bring in the Small Town Boys to their alliance, not to help, but to provide a team they can work against during the leg. They tell the boys about the flight arriving at 11. Fortunately, the Small Town Boys smell something funny. And it's not Marie who tries to use her Express Pass to get info from the buys. But they lie to her, or one of them does (sorry still haven't figure out who's who's yet on some teams) so there's a bit of worry that Marie will be mad. Doesn't matter anyway because Marie will forget this and will get mad at someone else later on. But what happens is that the Small Town Boys have decided that if they get the chance, they'll instant U-turn the Afghanimals. And it's a good thing they didn't listen because they get on a flight with the Beardos that arrives at 10, one hour before the Afghanimals and the Ice Girls.
So the first flight leaves for San Paulo with a bunch of teams, including the Baseball Wives, who we haven't mentioned yet. However, it's the ER Docs who have the connection for a flight arriving at 7 am. Some of the other teams race to the gate for that flight, hoping to get on standby. But the gate's not open so The Daters and the Exes make camp, thinking this is the only way to get on standby and also that they are first two teams in line. The Baseball Wives, however, realize that there's another option. Maybe it was because their husbands are major leaguers and they get more chances to travel business or first class, who knows? But they make their way to the business class lounge and request to be the first team on standby. A great move. And it gets even greater at the gate when they reveal to the other two teams what they did and The Exes don't make the flight. Marie is pissed and you can bet the Baseball Wives aren't getting the Express Pass. Which is fine because you can't allow another team control your fate on TAR. "They pulled stuff I would pull and I wasn't expecting it from them," says Marie. Which pretty much sums up that whole thing.
So back the the NFLers, who discover their flight is delayed by about five hours so they got to get to San Paulo and try to get on the flight that only has the Exes left. They arrive in San Paulo and it looks like they are jogging to the gate. Yes, jogging. You'd think that if you were in a hurry to make a flight, you'd run a bit faster. That's what I do. But no, the big boys miss the flight and it looks all but over for them.
Finally, we arrive in Lisbon and the show's almost half over. The first teams — ER Docs, Daters and the Baseball Wives — arrive. By now, I've forgotten what they are supposed to do. Oh right, head to Martin Monez Square and grab a tram to the top of the hill to get the next clue. The ER Docs and the Daters move fast and get on the first tram. For some reason, all four of them are wearing the same colour shirts. Anyone else notice that? Weird. They get to the top and there's a gorgeous Portuguese singer who gives each team a painting. It's their clue to get to the Coach Museum, which all teams figure out pretty quickly by talking to locals or knowledgeable tourists.
At the Coach Museum, it's a Detour. Tiles or Miles. In Tiles, team gotta put together a puzzle made from a bunch of fragile tiles. In Miles, they have to use some large callipers on a map to determine how far Magellan travelled around the world. Technically, Magellan didn't travel around the entire world. In the Philippines, Magellan was struck by a bamboo spear in a battle with some indigenous Philippinos and died. Heck, even his body didn't make it because the chief of the people that fought Magellan's soldiers took the body as a war trophy. Still, Magellan organized the expedition, it managed to continue without him and make it back to Europe so he got all the credit.
Anyway, the ER Docs and the Daters decide to work together on the Miles. They find Magellan, alive and well, at a large map in the middle of a square. They start measuring out the miles but get to the edge of the map. Realizing the earth is round, even in Magellan times, they just start measuring from the other side of the map and get the correct answer. Clue given. They have to go to Mosanto Forest Park to get their next clue. While this was happening, the Baseball Wives get up the hill, met that Fado singer, and decide to do Tiles. On the surface it seems a bit harder because I mean, everyone knows the world is round, right?
The Small Town Boys and Beardos arrive, get up the hill and decide to work together to figure out the painting clue. It takes about a second for someone to help and off to the Coach Museum. This alliance breaks off quickly when the Beardos choose Tiles and the SMBs choose Miles. There's a brief shot of the NFLers in London where their flight is delayed.
At the forest park, both teams arrive pretty close and get a roadblock, Slings and Arrows. They have to dress in medieval armour and use a ballista, an ancient artillery piece, to shoot an arrow into a shield 150 feet away. Travis loads up and shoots but misses by a mile. Jason gets his on the first try and they head to the next pit stop Castelo dos Mouros. Unfortunately, the Daters have bad luck with their cab. But it's all their own fault. They get confused with directions which in part, I don't understand. The cabbie should have figured it out for them instead of them arguing in the back. Because of this, Travis hits his shield and the ER Docs get to the Castle first, find Phil and become Team #1, winning a trip to Costa Rica. Nice place, was just there last January. The Daters come second but are okay with that. Good of Jason to apologize for his mistake, good of Amy not to rub it in. Which makes me more confident in saying again that they, along with the ER Docs, are a team to watch.
So the Baseball Wives get the tiles done, hit the shield on the second shot and are Team #3. A well deserved spot because they kept their cool at the airport and made a smart move. I just wish they would stop screaming every time they did something right. And the Afghanimals and the Ice Girls arrive just as the SMBs hit the map. The SMBs start measuring and for a second, they have a brainfart and almost forget the world is round. However, they figure it out and have another brainfart. Instead of 16,000 or so miles, the say 1,600. Not a big deal cause they figure out their mistake pretty quick. So off to the forest to shoot. First shot is good.
The Beardos get their puzzle very quickly, noting that if you live in the woods, you do a lot of puzzles. Which is why I don't live in the woods. So they head off to the woods and arrive just as the SMBs are leaving. Beardos shoot and get it so it's SMBs in 4th, Beardos in 5th. The Afghanimal/Ice Girl alliance decide to do Miles.
After watching this next bit, I did some research on these two teams and determined at least three are college graduates, one of them with an honours degree (yes, it's Ally from the Ice Girls with that honour). Jamal is a CEO of an investment company so I'm assuming he's got a degree as well. So with at least four university degrees in this alliance, Zadran Investment Group. you'd figure at least one of them would realize that the world is Round! One of the Afghanimals says they over-thought the task but in reality, they didn't think at all. Especially when one says "Maybe he went through the Panama Canal?" I stared dumbfounded at the screen. Really? Did he actually say that out loud? Magellan? The Panama Canal? They are so inept at this, that they change detours. Yes, they changed detours. More dumbfoundness.
So it's the tiles. The Ice Girls leaving first and getting to work. The boys arrive and start on it as well. And then the Exes arrive, and they pick Tiles, just as the Ice Girls finish. So the Afghanimals try to be clever and tell the Exes they've been there for hours, an attempt to get them to use the Express Pass. Interesting idea, although it might have backfired if the Exes did use the Express Pass as the boys were still working on their puzzle. As I said before, the Afghanimals are a fun team, however, I'm not confident they'll get too far. They keep making silly mistakes and one time, it's gonna to really cost them.
However, the Exes don't use the Express Pass and continue working on the Tiles. I really can tell why they are Exes but really can't fathom why they still keep hanging out with each. Tim seems like a nice guy, not too bright, but Marie, she's one of the most annoying TAR competitors ever. Of course, that's probably why she was chosen.
At the forest, the Afghanimals catch up with the Ice Girls and hit the shield first. But at the pitstop, they wait for them, help them up the stairs and they finish 6th and 7th. The Exes do the tiles, Tim hits the shield on his first shot and they go to the pitstop, seriously worried about last place. "You are the last team to arrive," Phil tells them. And they groan in disappointment. "Except one," Phil adds. Even though I don't really like the Exes, that was even too mean for them. They are team #8.
Finally, the sunsets in Portugal as the NFLers arrive at the airport. They are met by Phil. Not a good sign, which they understand immediately. Phil's only come out to a team a few times in 23 seasons and it's never good news. The NFLers are eliminated. Sorry to see them go cause they were good dudes but they took a risk on flights, a risk that usually never pays off.
Next week we're in Norway and looks like Nicole's playing hardball for that Express Pass. Should be fun.